Three Months

It’s been three months since my mom passed away, and we are in 2024 now. 

How can I be in the New Year without my mom? It doesn’t feel right. 

I still have times when I tear up or cry. It’s not every day. Last night and midnight on New Year’s, when I was outside to watch the fireworks, were emotional for me. 

I think about my mom every day.

Mr. Monk’s Last Case premiered on Peacock last month. I remember telling my mom about the movie in early summer. They didn’t have an air date for it yet. But she was looking forward to it. She loved Monk. I love it, too. 

I watched the movie. I liked it a lot. But I was sad because I couldn’t talk to her about it.

There is this show called The Way Home. 

It’s a Hallmark series about a girl traveling back in time. 

My mom absolutely loved that show. I watched it, too, and it is a good show. We’d watch the new episode each week and discuss it afterward.

All she did was talk about the show after the first season ended. She kept saying she couldn’t wait for season two.

Season two premieres this month on my birthday, January 21st.

I want to watch it. But it’s going to be hard. It was our show. And she is no longer here to discuss it with me.

For a long time now, all I wanted for the holidays was to spend them with my mom and Victor. And all these years we’ve been in Texas. We’ve spent the holidays with his family.

I feel like I missed out on memories with my mom. And Victor missed out on the chance to know her.

I’m an adult, and I know it is okay that I have been living my life. Children grow up, and they leave. It’s normal. It’s what’s supposed to happen.

But I wanted my mom to be more included in our life. Not in an interference way like his family is, but spending holidays together. Going places together sometimes. Maybe even vacations.

And there is no chance of that now. It bothers me quite a bit. 

I wish things were different. I wish my mom were still here.